MAINTAINING OUR MARRIAGE

 I mentioned in a previous blog that we live in a self-absorbed culture. But the culture is the sum of individual desires, and any cultural change must start with me. Today, I want to share with you three imperatives Ann and I consider necessary to maintain our marriage.

First, I’m sure you’ve noticed we are all different, as different in personality as we are in looks. Ann and I are probably the ultimate example that, like poles of a magnet, opposites attract each other. Of course, common interests, common beliefs, shared pursuits and desires, all aided in making us one.

But the differences that attract us to each other can eventually exasperate us because we each do things differently. Then I may try to make Ann over into my own image. If successful, the difference that attracted me fades, the source of excitement is lost, and I may venture elsewhere to fill the void. 

The disordered way in which Ann loads the dishwasher—compared, of course, with my efficient arrangement—is not the time for irritation and rebuke. No, it’s a time to rejoice that the vitality I first admired is still in the house and relish that happy incompatibility. 

Second, our culture of easy divorce promotes lack of commitment. It encourages the attitude: “If it doesn’t work for me, I can always leave.” At the first sign of trouble, it’s too easy to consider the marriage has failed and bail out. 

But an old adage tells us: “A ship’s captain doesn’t learn his craft on a calm sea.” We enjoy the green pastures and still waters God provides that nurtures our love. But Scripture encourages us to consider it “pure joy, whenever you face trials of many kinds.” 

Marriage is not built holding hands on a glassy sea. It is the perseverance through the storms that erupt upon it that deepens and matures our marriage, and forges the bond that will last a lifetime. Conflict exposes our readiness to sacrifice for the one we love. Joy is the outcome of conflict, for happiness is the by-product of service. 

Third, my devotion to Ann measures my devotion to God, for the first purpose of marriage is to reflect God’s faithfulness to His own. How I serve her betrays what I really believe about Christ’s sacrifice for me. So Paul admonishes us: “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.”

Now, practicing this belief not only strengthens marriage, but fervency of faith is also the greatest legacy we can pass to our children. Families generally proliferate and bring joy beyond imagination. Children and grandchildren will learn the reality of God’s love and grace as we joyfully persist in our intimacy with God. 

That is necessary, not optional, if we wish to draw our children to faith in God. Even after 61 years of marriage. Our prayer remains: “May those who come behind us find us faithful.” 

 

Some of this material is adapted from our book, Happy Together: Daily Insights for Families From Scripture, obtainable from Amazon or directly from us at www.pebblepress.ca